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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25576189">Missing Words</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGPrentice/pseuds/AGPrentice'>AGPrentice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Missing Enthusiasm Collection [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Epistolary, F/M, Love Letters, Married Sex, Romance, Separations</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:13:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25576189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGPrentice/pseuds/AGPrentice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I've tried to imagine how Michaela and Sully might have dealt with their separation when Sully had gone to Nevada, and their reunion. Set between the episodes "Promises, promises" and "The Expedition"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Michaela Quinn/Byron Sully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Missing Enthusiasm Collection [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Since Tree had written such an awesome story on the same subject with "What Wind is to Fire", it took me forever to pluck up the courage to do my own, I wrote it in French - my native language - first, then translated it in English.</p><p>As always, I truly appreciate any comment or criticism.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>First, there was that long train trip, during which Sully could mull over his decision to undergo such a journey and make good of the promise he had made to Daniel.</p><p><em>You're the most honorable man I know</em>, Michaela had said. She had no idea how many times he had wished he wasn't <em>that</em> honorable and had shrugged off his obligation toward his friend to stay with her! For several days, she had vehemently protested against the eventuality of his departure, coming up with all sorts of excuses why he shouldn't go, and then admitting how much she needed him close, how scared she was of being so far away from him, even if it was merely a physical distance. How could he blame her when he loathed the very same thing? Since they had gotten married, their relationship seemed to have grown more impassioned and absorbing every day. That insatiable need they had of each other went beyond the obsession of some prolonged honeymoon stage. Missing each other wasn't merely a physical emptiness. No, the void was also from missing all the sweet nothings as well as the most dramatic and significant moments that were woven into the fabric of the life they were building together.</p><p>Michaela wasn't just his wife in the way she was expected to be – whether among the Whites, the Christians, or even the Cheyenne – she was his partner in <em>everything</em>. She was her equal. And there was something to be said about being the equal to such a woman! He had once told Cloud Dancing that she was an awfully strong force of Nature, and though his comment had been somewhat rueful because of the different that had opposed them, he was nevertheless proud to have won her heart. He who had thought for so long that he was cursed and had resigned himself to a life of loneliness, had ended up having his existence turned upside down by the phenomenon that was Michaela Quinn!</p><p>Sometimes he would think about how the attraction, all at once physical, emotional and spiritual he had experienced right from their first meeting could have easily been unrequited, and that idea alone was enough to give him cold sweats… Or Michaela could have tired of waiting for him and answered favorably to William Burke or the Reverend's proposals. She could also have chosen her first fiancé over him… But no: She did love <em>him</em>, she had chosen <em>him</em>, stood by him despite their differences and everything they had gone through that had the power to break any couple apart. This had to mean that their bond was indeed unbreakable and that their destinies had been sealed together even before they pronounced their vows…</p><p>Even more extraordinary was that he still had this distinct feeling from the first days of their marriage: that their love, as powerful as it was already, still possessed the potential to bloom further, like an oakling destined to grow into the sturdiest of trees that no storm could ever uproot… He would have to rely on his faith, <em>their faith</em>, in the strength of their love in order to withstand those four weeks apart. And he intended to work hard, so hard that maybe he would be able to come home sooner…</p><p>Sully's thoughts turned to Daniel. He wondered how his friend would react when told all that had occurred, and how he would take his new appearance. When Daniel had left Colorado Springs to seek his fortune further West, just after Sully had married Abagail, the latter was still wearing plain wool clothes, and sported short hair and sideburns. They had not seen each other for a whole decade – to Sully it felt an eternity given the amount of trials he had gone through. He didn't have much in common with the young man Daniel surely remembered, save the fact he was as quiet as ever. And he was willing to bet that Daniel had changed, as well… but how much? Would the old buddies even know each other anymore?</p><p>Aware that Daniel couldn't read much better than he could write, Sully resorted to a short telegram to confirm the date of his arrival. And now that the train was fast approaching its destination, he wasn't feeling much more prepared for the reunion with his oldest friend. One of his wife's main misgivings about his departure was playing over and over in his mind, and made him worry about Michaela's intuition eventually proving to be a bad omen. Indeed, Daniel had never tried to contact him before, never sending so much of a telegram to let him know where he was. Sully had never forgot his friend, but how could he have possibly keep in touch when he had no clue about Daniel's whereabouts? The ball had been in Daniel's court all this time, so why had he waited so long? Questions and doubts were assailing his mind, but still, until Daniel told him directly what he had been up to for the past ten years, Sully couldn't assume anything. All he could do was waiting for the right opening during a conversation to inquire about the reasons for such a long silence.</p><hr/><p>Daniel was certainly dumbfounded when he first caught sight of his old friend hoping down the train.</p><p>"Sully? I'll be… it that really you?</p><p>"Sure is!" Sully couldn't help laughing at Daniel's gaping expression.</p><p>Yet, a frank and sturdy embrace was all it took to instantly abolish any apprehension they both had about meeting again after such a long time apart.</p><p>"What's that?" asked Daniel, half-amused, half-bemused by his best friend's attire. Had Sully become a trapper, a woodsman making his living from trading and trafficking with Indians? It was hard to picture the sweet and lady-like Abagail accommodating herself to such a modus vivendi…</p><p>"That's buckskins, pal!" replied Sully teasingly. His appearance wasn't that much out of place amidst the colorful crowd made of travelers and Virginia City citizens, which counted quite a lot of former miners who had swapped their pickaxes for riffles and traps, and sported fur caps and deerskin jackets, in short typical mountain men as most people back east imagined them.</p><p>Daniel hadn't changed much, except that he did look a little older. Sully could also sense that his friend had gained in maturity. No doubt that his lifelong quest for the gold that would make him rich and put paid to his errant existence had eventually taught him the patience and tenacity he had lacked as a quick-tempered boy. The thick flannel of his shirt hugged a sturdier build than the one Daniel had sported when he had left Colorado Springs to head further west, when he still wasn't much more than a rangy twenty-something as feisty as a wild pony .</p><p>"You lookin' good, " remarked Sully pointedly, unable to keep the curiosity from his tone.</p><p>"Ain't what you think, mate. No I ain't find the right woman to pamper and feed me, and keep me outta trouble!"</p><p>"What 'bout the lady who wrote the letter for you? She didn't just do it outta the goodness of her heart now, did she?" Sully pressed on, remembering all too well how Daniel used to make so many young ladies swoon over him. He had been such a charmer, always knowing how to compliment any woman, no matter their age or status, and never missing on an occasion to roll in the hay with the less modest of the girls.</p><p>Daniel burst into laughter and clapped his friend's shoulder playfully.</p><p>"You know me too well, Sully. Lucky I'm no Catholic or I'd have to confess my sins… Ellen's nice n'pretty, but…"</p><p>"You ain't in love."</p><p>"Afraid not. I ain't had your luck on that score."</p><p>This gave Sully pause. Of course Daniel was talking about Abagail. He needed to be told the truth.</p><p>"What? What's the matter? Why the long face?"</p><p>"Daniel… you know, lotsa things happen the past few years for me… lots of changes," began Sully. But then he reconsidered, "is there someplace we could go so I'll tell ya everythin', but in private?"</p><p>"Er… sure. Might as well head for the minin' camp right now… unless you'd rather sleep in a real bed? There's plenty of fine boardin' houses' round here…"</p><p>"Minin' camp's just fine. That way, I'll be right on hand to help ya put up that mine o' yours."</p><p>Daniel had another startling surprise to see Sully vault onto a horse's back without a single trace of fear, and quite another that he so effortlessly rode bareback, the way Indians did. This new Sully was decidedly getting more intriguing by the minute!</p><p>The day flew by, no matter how succinctly Sully did recount the many trials and tribulations that had befallen him. Daniel was more upset that he imagined he could be when told of Abagail's passing in such circumstances. For as long as he had known Sully, his friend had always longed for a family on his own, and hearing the tragic news made Daniel feel more than a little guilty about the jealousy he had nursed for so long toward the girl who had stolen his best friend's heart and loyalty by offering only a tame, domestic life. At that time, Daniel had thought he still had all the time in the world before settling down with a wife and kids, and wasn't planning to do so any time before he had struck it rich. Meanwhile, adventure, that seductive and demanding mistress, was awaiting him, so he headed out alone as soon as he had wrested the promise out of Sully that he would come to Daniel's aid whenever and wherever needed.</p><p>Of course, since Daniel had saved him from that infamous cave-in where he had come within an inch of being buried alive, Sully would have never considered recanting his word. However, if he had confided in Matthew, he hadn't revealed to Michaela the true reason why he just couldn't refuse Daniel call for help. She knew that that he owed Daniel his life, but she still ignored the full circumstances. He figured it would serve no purpose to get Michaela going on about cave-ins and any other possible mining calamities.</p><p>As he went on telling Daniel of his life after Abagail and Hanna's deaths, Sully deliberately omitted to mention his brief time as a sniper, instead speaking of his involvement with the Cheyenne, and more specifically of how his friend and mentor Cloud Dancing had saved him from wasting away from grief and despair. He told very little of his task as an Indian Agent, as well, as he was reaching the most important event of all: meeting Michaela.</p><p>"She's a real doc, an' all?" exclaimed Daniel, amazed yet incredulous.</p><p>"That she is. There's a medical school for ladies in Philadelphia. 'Sides, that woulda been such a waste she didn't become one, seein' how good she is at doctorin'. Without her, the town would've been wiped out from the grippe, not to mention all those folk she's patched up together! Come to think of it, I wouldn't be there either if it weren't for her takin' such good care of me." He paused for effect as he was about to announce something akin to a miracle. "Will ya believe me if I tell ya that thanks to her, Loren forgave me and we're on good terms now?"</p><p>"No kiddin'! Sounds like you got yourself quite the prize. No wonder you love her…"</p><p>Sully could only smile in answer, his focus slipping from the present and shifting back to his beloved wife, reflecting with some amusement on how different Daniel's conception of the "prize" was from the likes of Preston Lodge's view on the matter, moreover as he had not provided details about Michaela's appearance. An instinctive precaution stopped him from boasting about how beautiful his wife was, and he convinced himself that he wouldn't risk to hurt his friend's pride that way.</p><p>"You two got… kids yet?" inquired Daniel somewhat hesitantly after a few moment of silence.</p><p>Sully chuckled in anticipation of his friend's reaction: "Yep, three o' them"</p><p>Daniel gasped as he did the math. "Three already? How do you ever get any work done, let alone sleep with your brood?"</p><p>"We manage. You see, our eldest son is of age, and there's our daughter who likes to take care of the cookin', and our youngest also does his share of chores. We are all workin' together just fine."</p><p>"Uh, are they her kids from another marriage, then? She gotta be older than you if she has kids this big already, ain't she?"</p><p>Sully shrugged non-committedly, since the two-year-difference in age with his wife had never been an issue between them. But Daniel misunderstood Sully's lack of answer, and once again gave his shoulder a playful shove, "Aahh, c'mon, you're just pullin' my leg, ain't ya?" <em>Like in the good old days… </em></p><p>Sully then launched into the recounting of how Michaela had taken in the three children of Charlotte Cooper, whom Daniel remembered vaguely, and spoke fondly of the none-too-subtle efforts of the siblings to make sure he and their adoptive mother would fall for one another, mentioned the legal battle with Ethan Cooper over Colleen and Brian's custody, and how he had gone from acquaintance to friend to father figure to the Cooper kids. And now the adoption of the two youngest was effective, while Matthew, no matter how fiercely determined he was about proving his worth and independence, still looked up to him the way a son would look up to a father he respected and admire. The family Sully had found with Michaela and Charlotte's children filled him with joy and pride, unorthodox as it was. Taking in three youngsters who weren't related to him at all would have seemed too heavy a responsibly to most men he knew, but to him it had only made him a better man.</p><p>"With already three younguns, you two ain't gonna want a baby, are ya?" The question fused before Daniel could realize he probably made a faux-pas. "Huh, well, I reckon you don't wanna take risk after… what happened… before…" he added.</p><p>Wanting to ease his friend's obvious discomfiture, Sully simply smiled and answered truthfully, "Sure we'd like to have a baby on our own…"</p><p>"That'd be great, Sully. I'd be real happy for you if… when you have a baby. For both of ya."</p><p>And Daniel meant it. He realized he no longer felt any jealousy toward his best friend, that his second chance at love only inspired him a profound gladness, and finally awakened in him a yearning for the comfort and fulfillment of having a family to come home to… a loving wife doting on him, and children greeting him with smiles and laughter, their little arms wrapped around his neck. Up until then, he had chosen a life without attachments, free as a bird. Family life had only seemed more daunting than anything else, with too many responsibilities than he cared for, and he hadn't wanted to end up like so many of his fellow miners who had families they needed to escape from, finding oblivion of their share of the chores, the demands of their wives and cries of their brood at the saloon.</p><p>Yet, Sully's present happiness was proof that there was a brighter side to the medal. From what he said about his life with the Cheyenne, he had obviously become even more of a loner, quieter than ever, and yet, it only took meeting the right woman – and what a woman she sounded like! – to bring him out of his shell and make him renounce once more to his freedom. Daniel mused then that if his friend had known a love strong enough to change his ways not once but twice, there was hope one day, the right woman for him would come along and make him put away his carefree, adventurous life as a treasure hunter.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>September, 23</em>
  <em>rd</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My Heartsong,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just arrived in Virginia City. I've only been gone three days, but it feels like so much longer from missing you so bad. You know how I feel about trains in the first place, so without you by my side during the trip, it was a nightmare. I wish I had thought of some way you could have come along… or maybe I should have stayed with you, pure and simple. I miss you. So much. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish I wasn't so honorable that I couldn't simply have told Daniel I couldn't help him now, because you are far more important to me than some ten-year-old promise. Yet, breaking my word would have made me a selfish, lying coward, and that would have mean I no longer deserved you. I reckon you'd call that a Cornelian choice, right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I miss you so much already it makes me sick. I don't care if I sound like a lovesick boy writing something that obvious. Like writing how much I love you and long for you. I'd never wished more I was your poet and write my love for you as eloquently as you deserve. But at least, I hope that when you read these few plain words on a plain piece of paper, you'll hear my voice whispering them in your ear, you'll feel my arms holding you close, and you'll see what's in my heart. You'd see yourself, the way I see you, all that you are to me, my wife, my best friend, my reason to be, and so much more than I can't put into words, for those words need yet to be invented.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm praying that the miles and the mountains that stand between us won't stop the song of my heart from reaching you. Nĕ mĕ hō′ tĭst, my Angel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Give the kids my love.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>S.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>September, 27</em>
  <em>th</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My Heartsong,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You probably haven't received my first letter yet, but at least thanks to the wires, I know you and the kids are well, and you know I'm safe. Nonetheless I bet you must be fretting about me just the same right now, because I can feel it. I can feel YOU next to me, I can picture your beautiful face, smiling at me sadly. I was so sure you and me would be able to withstand a few weeks of being apart physically, because it's US. But now, I'm not so sure anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yet, you once told me I was a part of you. I should have told you sooner that it was the same for me, but it took me being so far away to realize how true it is. And it's as much a consolation as it's tearing me apart. I can picture you so easily, and hear you, hear the song of your heart in mine, but I feel empty without the mere warmth of you being close, without being able to hold you at night. I feel so cold without your eyes recognizing me and that smile of yours when I kiss you awake in the morning. I miss, too, that sort of pout you do, and the fire in your eyes when you're angry or just being stubborn. That's how I love you too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I told all about you and the kids to Daniel, he just couldn't believe me when I told him the way we came together as a family.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I think he finally struck pay dirt this time. If we do our job correctly, when comes the time for me to come back, the mine will be ready to be exploited, with the first couple of galleries already dug out, and Daniel having all the equipment and the workers he needs. We have recruited a crew already, and I'm presently teaching them how to use carefully the explosives. Don't worry, we made sure we didn't hire any hot-headed youngsters. Most of them already have a solid experience when it comes to properly shore up a gallery, and they all seem to be honest, hard-working fellows. As long as they get their share of the gold, Daniel shouldn't get any trouble with them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please, don't worry about me. Trust me, I'm not taking any risk, not when I have you to come back to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Give Colleen, Brian and Matthew a hug from me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And you…. I owe you a kiss for each and every single minute we are apart since I'm gone, and more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>S.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Well, the mine wasn't as uncomplicated to put up as Sully has made it sound in his letter to his wife. For starters, the rocks were rather friable in some places, and the gold veins, numerous but thin for the most part, often ran deep under layers of dirt and debris. Not only the work was physically taxing, but it required the men and their crew's full attention.</p><p>As the days went by, they also became shorter. Less daylight notwithstanding, Sully still worked with all his might, no matter the hour and weather, and Daniel often had to tell him off for not stopping long enough to get a proper lunch or staying at the site too long after nightfall. It didn't take much for Daniel to get the reason behind Sully's zeal. His friend was already so obviously pining for home. Often before bedtime would he go off by himself to write to his family, sometimes he would pray or lie awake, staring at the stars….</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Colorado Springs, September 28</em>
  <em>th</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My Darling</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just received your letter, and first of all believe me when I tell you that you are just as good as any poet to me. Even better, because those are YOUR words, and I cherish each and every one of them. Not only they are beautiful, but most importantly, they are true. Reading them is indeed like hearing you saying them in the flesh, feeling you next to me… inside me. I'm sure you are smiling as you are reading this, knowing that I'm all red in the face from writing such things.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm presently in the Clinic. I must admit I'm spending quite a large amount of time here, trying to keep my mind off missing you too muck by keeping busy. So I've begun a thorough clean-up of all the recovery rooms, the surgery and even the storage room. The children help out, of course, and besides with the weather turning colder and wetter these past few days, I have a steady stream of patients.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yet not a day goes by that I don't cast a look toward the station, wishing I could drop everything and just board the next train to Nevada, and to your arms. But I have to be reasonable, don't I? What's four weeks, anyway?... That's what I keep repeating to myself when I feel like I can't stand your absence any longer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I pray that you forgave me for giving you such a hard time about your going to help your friend. Still, how I feel right now is a thousand times worse than what I've dreaded. Had I known how unbearable your absence would be, then I would have done everything in my power to stop you from going. But to deprive you of your freedom and trap you in too domestic a life would be denying the man you are, the man I love….</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm doing all I can to appease the ache within, and I repeat to myself over and over that you are thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about you, that you still love me, and that you'll be back home soon enough… I'm hanging onto the memory of what you told not long after we were married, that no matter where we go or how long we are away from each other, our spirits are one. It *is* US. Yet I feel like I belong in an antic tragedy in which my love for you completely overrules my reason and thus condemns me to suffer until your return. Only one half of my heart still functions, the other feels as if it's been torn off only leaving a phantom pain…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please forgive me. I had promised myself not to reproach you anything or try to make you feel guilty. I'm going to stay strong, you know me. As I told you above, with the children and my patients, I have plenty to keep me busy. Truthfully, Loren's care alone is time consuming itself, but it's worth every sliver of progress each day brings. At the rate we are going, by Thanksgiving Loren should be back to his former self. A large part of the credit must go to Brian. Since day one, he's made everything he could to keep Loren's spirits up and to make him smile again. I'm so proud of our son, as I know you must be, and I told him so.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The four of us miss you so much… five of us, should I say, as even Wolf is waiting anxiously for you to come back. Please hurry back to us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And hurry back to me, most of anything, for I love and miss you beyond any word.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>M.</em>
</p><hr/><p>After supper, Daniel and Sully would usually review the progress and drawbacks of the day, discuss their plans for the next day, then bid each other good night. Then Sully could allow himself to think of his wife, reading her letters, dreaming he was back in her arms. Her scent, which was a subtle mix of the flowery and refined perfume she would occasionally wear, of her lavender soap and the delicate but oh-so-heady essence of her flesh had somewhat permeated the thick vellum on which she was professing her love, and it would chase and haunt him right into dreamland. At times he almost could feel her the way he sometimes did when they were making love and their souls touched and fused together. He knew then that she had to be thinking of him as well, the miles between them reduced to a meaningless barrier.</p><p>However, if that spiritual contact brought him a measure of comfort and rejuvenated his energy at work during the day, he nevertheless found himself suffering from her absence much more than he could ever have anticipated. All his self-control was of little help at night, once silence descended upon their camp, when the crackling fire would lull him to sleep but also make him realize how quickly he had gotten used to the new routine of the past few months. He wouldn't have minded being back to sleeping on the hard ground under the stars so much if not for the restlessness that kept disturbing the dreamy doze right before sleep, during which it would often feel like <em>she</em> had come to him. He could breathe in her fragrance — <em>Oh, that scent of hers!</em> —he could feel the sweet warmth of her velvet-soft skin imprinted into his palms, while her slender, nimble fingers were roaming all over him, knowing where, when and how to touch and caress… He had on his lips, on his tongue, the flavor of her kisses, of her skin, and he could even hear her soft pants and whimpers, speaking to him in a language only he knew. He was dreaming constantly of her beautiful hair, the long tresses raining down on him when she was leaning over to kiss him, wrapping him in a silky, shimmering cocoon… her eyes sparkling like two mysterious jewels, two extraordinary suns shining down on him with incredible love… and above all, the ineffable emotion that gripped him every time she welcomed him inside her, each time she granted him the gifts of her unconditional trust and her own desire... And then the ethereal feeling jostled him awake, and he wanted to scream out his frustration. It was a thousand times worse than all those times he had fantasized about how it would be like to make love to her before their wedding. Now he <em>knew </em>— and this deeply intimate knowledge he had of her had him bound to her soul as securely as the most heartfelt of promises he had ever made to her.</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Virginia City, Nevada</em>
</p><p>
  <em>October 5th, 1870, 9.34 a.m.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To: Dr. Michaela Quinn, Colorado Springs, Colorado.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From: Byron Sully.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dear Michaela</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Got your letter of the 28</em>
  <em>th</em>
  <em>. Will answer ASAP. I'm well but can't wait to be home. Give my love to the kids and tell Loren I say hello. Miss you all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>S.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Colorado Springs, October 6th</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My Darling</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Our letters crossed each other, and I would laugh at how much our thoughts mirror and complete one another if I wasn't so heartsick from missing you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You've been away for more than two weeks, it hurts just writing this, when it should be a comfort as it means that the day you're coming home is now getting closer. I am counting those days, those hours and those minutes as I keep track of all the kisses you owe me, and that I firmly intend to receive in full.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The children miss you as well. Each day they seem to get more subdued. Even Brian isn't his usual sunny, talkative self, and I don't know how to cheer him up. But thank goodness, Loren is there for him. They are more inseparable than ever. Brian comes over every afternoon, including on Saturdays, to help with the physical therapy. On Monday, Loren has managed to stand on his own without anybody's help, and yesterday he took a few steps – with the crutches, mind you, and griping every step of the way as you can imagine. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You have no idea how much I appreciate and cherish your letters and telegrams. I read them over and over, though I know them by heart already. They are safely tucked between our favorite pages of Leaves of Grass. When all is quiet at home and I can let my thoughts wander, they all go straight to you, only you, and when I reach you in my mind, I can finally rest and let go of all my woes and worries.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Speaking of worry, I have been to Palmer Creek. Cloud Dancing is well, but he cannot rest easy either, since without you to take care that all the Indians are treated fairly, the soldiers are taking some liberties and even seem to encourage the tribes to quarrel. Cloud Dancing appears to have reached some sort of understanding, even a beginning of trust, with the elders from the other tribes, and their combined influences have prevented many an argument from escalating. Nonetheless, he is awaiting your return as impatiently as the children and I are.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please be careful. I know you are, but I can't help but worry, as I can't help thinking of you all the time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your wife who loves you more than anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>M.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>October 9</em>
  <em>th</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I can't stop thinking about you. During the day, I'm doing what needs to be done, best I can, keep an eye on the workers… yet, even when I'm supposed to give work my full attention, especially when the smallest distraction could have dire consequences, I'm overwhelmed with the thought and the need of you, with how bad I miss you. And at night…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tonight, I volunteered once again to stand guard. To be honest, I haven't slept too well lately. It's not so much the hard ground or the cold, but just you not being next to me, just me not being able to touch you, feel your skin against mine, not breathing your scent. I don't even have the comfort of knowing I'll come back to you at the end of each day, or that you'll join me in a matter of minutes, or a couple of hours. I no longer have your warm presence, safely tucked against me when you sleep, which is enough to ward off the bad dreams at night. Does that tell you how bad I'm missing you? Without you to admire it with me, the Nevada landscape, which is as beautiful as Colorado, though in a wilder and drier way, is losing most of its appeal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not only do I need to see you, to hear you, to touch you, but I need to feel *your* touch, I need you to take me back, or as Whitman writes, to possess me. I don't even need to close my eyes to picture yours watching me, devouring me and bewitching me. I need your smile to brighten my days. I *need* you in so many ways that haven't ever been expressed in words, not even by the likes of Shakespeare, Herrick or Whitman.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But though words are missing to tell you the extent of my love for you, I know that you understand what I mean as our hearts speak the same language. It's the unique language of you and me, of US. And I know that even the greatest distance can't stop our spirits from communicating.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Still thirteen days to go. I keep telling myself, it's not much, as you do, and it brings me a bit of comfort.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm drawing the strength I need to fulfill my promise to Daniel in your letters, which I read over and over every night. I'm glad that mine are helping you cope as well, though it's obvious they are not enough for you either.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With a bit of luck, by the time this one reaches you, there will only be a week left before I come home. What's seven or eight days, right? Know that each one of my letters are bringing us closer to being together again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You who have the courage of a warrior, could you please spare some and send it to me in your next letter? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>S.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Colorado Springs, October 14</em>
  <em>th</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My heart truly goes out to you so that you can take enough of it to hang on a few days longer. May my love, which is as infinite as the sky above you, reach you and watch over you until you come home and I can tell and show you how much I love you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I almost wish that by the time this letter reaches you, you'll already be in the train home.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please, wire me to let me know the time when you are to arrive, for I want to be at the station, waiting for you and having my schedule free from any appointment.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Meanwhile, I'll be praying for your prompt return, safe and sound, back to my arms again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>M.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>Virginia City, Nevada</em>
</p><p>
  <em>October, 17</em>
  <em>th</em>
  <em>, 1870. 5:08 p.m.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To: Dr. Michaela Quinn, Colorado Springs, Colorado.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>From: Byron Sully</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Michaela,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Mine ready. Will be home as planned. See you soon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>S</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days had been going by in a rather strange fashion, as if time had been deflected from its normal track, distorted and as whimsical as an old mule. As long as he was working and accomplishing his tasks wholeheartedly, it wouldn't seem as long and dragging as when it did at night, when he would sometimes feel like he was reliving the same routine over and over, that he had left Colorado Springs ages ago, and that he would never see the end of his stay in Nevada, that he'd never see home again.</p><p>Nevertheless, his efforts and assiduity eventually paid off as the mine became exploitable almost three full days before the predicted date. Immensely satisfied and grateful, Daniel truly wanted to repay his best friend and presented him with a pouch containing several gold nuggets and a few gems in the rough they had extracted while carving out the mine entry.</p><p>Sully, out of his usual pride, turned down the offering at once.</p><p>"It's too much, Daniel, and 'sides, I didn't come outta here thinkin' I was gonna get my share of your reapin's. I only came because I owed you."</p><p>"Shoulda known you'd say that, but while we're at it, I never saved your life back then thinkin' you'd feel indebted to me. We've been friend for so long and you would've done the same for me anyway. You came, and that means a whole lotta more to me than you know. And here you go and do an outsandin' job, I needn't worry about anythin' going wrong with that mine, we're all gonna be safe thanks to ya."</p><p>"Still gotta be extra careful in there. You never know…"</p><p>"Don't worry, I'll keep a close eye on 'em, make sure they keep doin' what they should be doin'. And everythin's gonna be just fine."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>"That's why I want you to accept your rightful payment."</p><p>"Daniel I said no!"</p><p>"Aw, will ya stop bein' as stubborn as an ox? And your wife, and your kids? Their schoolin'? Didn'tcha tell me Colleen was gonna go to college, and then medical school? don't you think a little help might come in handy?"</p><p>Chastened, Sully lowered his head. He had promised Michaela he would bring her back a souvenir from Nevada. And as much as it hurt his pride, Daniel was right: thought right now, their combined incomes were allowing them to live comfortably, they still didn't have much saved up. Daniel's offering was all the more tempting in the light of those unforeseen circumstances.</p><p>"All right, if you insist, I'll keep a few things for my family, 'cause I had promised 'em I'd bring them back presents," Sully reluctantly conceded as he poured the content of the pouch in his hand. Amidst the nuggets and colorful stones, one of them particularly caught his eye. It was a peridot, its transparent golden green strongly reminiscent of Michaela's eyes. He thought for a moment bringing it to a jeweler and have it cut and set in a pendant, or maybe a pair of earbobs, but all things considered, this would undoubtedly delay him, for who knew how long, not to mention Michaela might enjoy choosing herself the setting. It could very well serve as an excuse for an overnight trip to Denver, say around Valentine's day, especially if there was still no baby in sight by then. He could then give the stone to the jeweler from whom he had already bought their engagement ring and who had engraved their wedding band as well. And hadn't he told Michaela time and again than he would give her the world? A piece of jewelry matching her eyes was the least he could do!</p><p>As for the Cooper children, he selected three of the purest gold nuggets, and hand the rest back to Daniel, who sighed, disappointed but resigned.</p><p>"That's all? And of course, you didn't take any for yourself?"</p><p>"Nope." Sully shook his head and regarded Daniel pointedly, making it very clear that Daniel shouldn't insist anymore… at least for the moment.</p><p>An hour or so later, Sully bid farewell to Daniel at the Virginia City Station. He could sense that his friend would have liked nothing better than to keep him for a couple more days, at least until the original date, and that made Sully feel a bit guilty, like he was ducking out of fulfilling his promise. Yet he missed Michaela so badly that he was feeling depleted of both his moral and physical strength, as if being away from her was draining him of his courage and determination, like blood oozing out of a wound.</p><p>Yet, the thrill of very possibly surprising her by being home earlier than she expected sustained him. And given the rather melancholic tone of her latest letters, she was pining for him just as much as he did for her and was too counting the days, even hours, until his return…</p><p>The blowing of the whistle heralding the impending departure of the train pierced the air and prompted Sully to give one last swift, but affectionate hug to his friend, before he jumped on board. As the train began chugging away, Sully called out:</p><p>"And don't forget to come for a visit as soon as you can. Michaela and the kids want to meet you!"</p><p>"I'm lookin' forward to it. I'll make it soon as I can."</p><p>"Promise?"</p><p>"Yeah, count on it!"</p><hr/><p>Unfortunately, Sully got delayed in Salt Lake City, and was forced to spend the night there before boarding another train the next morning. He considered for a moment pushing ahead by whatever means he could find, whether by horse or stagecoach, but eventually realized he still would reach Colorado Springs faster and still a day earlier with the train. He sent a prayer to the Spirits so that nothing else would slow him down.</p><p>The Spirits obviously heard him, for he was able to reach Colorado Springs the day after next in the late afternoon, after a brief stopover in Denver. In the dim light of the autumnal dusk, the streets seemed quieter, dulled by lazy shadows; winter was already announcing itself by the abrupt drop of temperature as soon as the sun disappeared behind the mountains.</p><p>On the platform, stood a waiting Robert E., who was the only one besides Horace to know Sully was coming home early following the telegram asking to borrow a horse so he would have to walk all the way to the homestead. By some miracle, Horace had managed to avoid spilling the beans to Dr. Mike.</p><p>The blacksmith was alone, however. After greeting his friend with a heartfelt handshake, Robert E. explained:</p><p>"Didn' bring no horse, Dr. Mike's still at the Clinic and your wagon's at my place."</p><p>"Really? Somethin' the matter? Emergency?"</p><p>"There's been a coupla 'em early this week, but…" Robert E. paused to give Sully a knowing smile, "I got a feelin' it ain't her patients that keep dr. Mike from goin' home at night. The kids and her had dinner more often at Grace's the past few weeks, sorta like she ain't lookin' forward goin' home without ya here."</p><p>For all answer Sully raised his eyebrows, though he was hardly puzzled. This little piece of news only made him head even more resolutely for the Clinic, eager to reunite with his wife – <em>at long last</em>.</p><hr/><p>Once she had accepted Sully would be gone for a whole month, Michaela had repeated to herself that this was nothing more than four little weeks, that they would fly by as longed as she could focus on taking care of her patients, especially caring for Loren and working toward his full recovery. The shopkeeper had already made stunning progress, so she had faith he would be up and walking by himself by the time Sully would return.</p><p>She completely invested her time between her patients and her children, making a point of helping Brian with his homework as well as spending more time with Colleen, whether it was learning a new recipe or chatting about the girl's latest readings. Matthew would have supper with them every evening, and often spend the night[1], finding some measure of solace from the loving support of his siblings and adoptive mother. Ingrid's tragic death had so deeply wounded him, that he now felt bereft of all emotion, the pain so overwhelming it numbed everything… except his love for his family. As his mother, Michaela was at a loss about how to help him, yet the doctor in her knew that Matthew's quiet demeanor was to be expected, and there was nothing else to do but finding the delicate balance between showering him with love and giving him enough space… So watching over Matthew certainly helped occupying her time and thoughts.</p><p>Yet, no matter how hard she worked, the hours spent cleaning the Clinic from top to bottom, more often and thoroughly than ever before; no matter how much she kept busy from dawn to dusk to the point of exhaustion, it didn't help with the loneliness that gripped her as soon as she entered their bedroom. She tried reasoning with herself every night, telling herself that time would fly by; she read Sully's letters and telegrams over and over until she knew them by heart – his words of love all the more precious to her as she knew he usually wasn't too keen on composing long missives – and she stayed up late to answer him… still, as soon as she set foot into their private sanctuary and saw all the intimate symbols of their life together, she was hit by the violence of how much she missed him, the pain of it cruel and relentless both in her heart and her flesh. Even her arms felt heavy from the emptiness of not holding Sully…</p><p>Each evening, when she crossed out the day on her calendar, her heart skipped a beat, then raced as she considered the time she still had to suffer her beloved husband's absence. The wait seemed to only get harder to bear each day, to the point she began experiencing a nagging malaise.</p><p>Her sleep was agitated and broken by perturbing dreams. Nightmares in which only came back to tell her he was returning to living outdoors, and though he did love her, still he need his freedom even more; or the mine in which he was working collapsed and by the time he was pulled from under the rubble, he was long dead. Less frightening but still disturbing were the sensual dreams, haunting and extremely vivid, as if her subconscious was protesting and trying to make up for the sudden cessation of the sensual gratifications that had characterized the first months of their marriage…</p><p>One night in particular, when Sully had only been away six days and she had just received the first of his letters, she had dreamed of him; of his caressing hands and his mouth uninhibitedly exploring her body, as hungry for her as she was for him… the raw, yet genuine pleasure from the fantasy shook her awake. It wasn't the first time she'd experienced this kind of dreams since she had consummated her marriage to Sully and he had awakened the sensual part of her nature. But at least until now, Sully had been right at hand and more than willing to participate and satiate her amorous ardor, regardless of the time of day or night. She still blushed easily at her own boldness, but Sully always reassured her and repeated how much he <em>appreciated her enthusiasm</em>, even more so when she was the one to initiate their lovemaking…</p><p>But he wasn't there this time, all she had for company was a faint trace of his scent still lingering on the bed linens, and the cold, empty place on her left. He wasn't there to comfort her and lift the shroud of shame and embarrassment she was presently feeling for the unconscious gesture she had while still sleeping and dreaming, to reach down between her legs… All she could do was cry out of mortification, frustration and loneliness into her pillow. It happened again a few days later, but she dared not confide in Dorothy, the breach caused by the divulgation of her previous confidences in the book still fresh in her mind. And it certainly wasn't a topic she could expose in a letter to her husband, even worded in a way to intend that she missed him *that* much…</p><p>Her affliction worsened and began to affect her general health, especially her appetite and cycle. In the mornings, she was vaguely nauseous and could only stomach a cup of weak tea; she also skipped a few lunches, something that didn't go unnoticed by Dorothy and Grace, who then made a habit of bringing her a tray after the noon rush, whenever she didn't come on her own. The two women kept as close a watch over their friend as possible without being too conspicuous, as both knew Michaela's penchant for neglecting herself and working her fingers to the bone when she was preoccupied or out of sorts. Both guessed that it was Sully's absence that was presently weighing heavily on Michaela's mind, possibly more than she was willing to admit…</p><p>Still when came suppertime, she found herself unexpectedly ravenous, wolfing down anything that was put on her plate, and almost always asked Colleen for seconds. Within a couple of weeks, she gained back the weight she had lost over her estrangement with Dorothy about the book, and then some more. Yet, for the second month in a row, she felt the way she usually did right before her monthly for several days, her abdomen and her breast tight, heavy bordering on sore, but with nothing but a few drops of blood to show for it. The physician only saw the manifestation of the anxiety that gripped her and even chased her through her dreams, while the lonely wife only pined for her husband all the more.</p><p>Her first fiancé David's departure for the war front had torn her apart, and caused her constant fear for his safety, yet it paled in comparison to the way she was feeling presently. David's absence hadn't felt that oppressing and insurmountable and certainly hadn't caused such an array of disorders! If she ever had any doubt before, she was now certain once and for all that Sully was her other half, her true soul mate, for he only made her feel whole. How else explain this overwhelming, distressing emptiness she was experiencing since he was gone? She wondered more than once whether the persistent erotic dreams perhaps held a deeper meaning than the sole physical dissatisfaction, for every time she pictured their reunion, she did imagine their naked bodies joined as one, yet not so much in the midst of a feverish, unfettered, pleasure-seeking coupling but rather as a mean to truly embody the reunion of their souls, in its most sweet and intimate expression.</p><p>Yet, soon enough, she still had eight days left to wait. Then, after a particularly busy few days at the Clinic with a sudden inrush of patients suffering from the effects of the dropping temperatures, there was only three more days… two… one…</p><p>
  <em>Sully will be home tomorrow.</em>
</p><hr/><p>The day's work was almost over. Michaela heard a loud whistle and hissing in the distance, heralding the five o'clock train, just as she was putting the downstairs recovery room back in order. She thought with a yearning smile the next time she would hear such a sound, it would be announcing her husband's return… Once her task of changing the sheets here would be done, she would be going home alone for the last time, and cross the last square on her calendar. Still, she took more time than she usually did making the bed. As it had been happening quite often the past few weeks, she dragged her feet at going home after her workday, dreading more and more the moment when she would be faced with the empty seat in front of her at the table, or next to her in their bed, with nothing but one of Sully's shirt to hold onto at night, his scent lingering in the folds of the well-worn cotton, though it had proved not to be such a good idea in the end, as it actually made he miss him all the more!</p><p>The clinic had become the place where she felt the calmest, the safest… If not for the shine and slight weight of her wedding rings on her left hand, she would let herself think she was back to the time before they were married, even before they both knew they belonged together… But as long as the doctor in her was being in the frontline, she could put the wife to rest for a little while.</p><p>Slowly and methodically, one by one, inch by inch of fabric, she put on clean pillowcases on each of the four pillows, which she arranged carefully on the bed as to not crease the firmly tucked bedsheets, that smell of fresh air and a hint of lavender. As she tugged one last time on the quilted bedspread to smooth any wrinkle left, she suddenly felt a distinctive presence behind her, but she didn't jump in fright. Only one man could move so silently without making the floorboard creak or door hinges grate to surprise her. Only one man carried with him this intoxicating combination of musk from the tanned skins he wore and the earthy freshness from the time spent outdoors. She knew who he was without needing to turn around, even before she could even think that he was a day early. It didn't matter. She smiled, while her heartbeat sped up from the joy of having him near.</p><p>She didn't turn around right away, almost petrified by the intense surge of emotions his presence provoked in her after four agonizingly long weeks of pining for him. She could only whisper:</p><p>"Sully…"</p><p>He had only been observing her for a little while. Her back was to him, and he couldn't divert his eyes from the graceful, long curve of the neck framed by thin golden tendrils that had come lose from her bun. There was a natural dignity in her bearing even when she accomplished mundane tasks such as making a bed, even when she appeared worn out after a long day of work. She still wore her surgical apron… all he had to do was take a couple of steps to undo the buttons, kissed the back of her neck that was beckoning to him, unravel her gorgeous hair…</p><p>He moved forward just as she turned around, and next second they were in each other's arms. Sully held his wife with strength and passion magnified with four weeks of longing, as if he feared she was yet again an apparition. Instinctively, their lips sought one another and met… and anything that wasn't them ceased to exist.</p><p>How they had dreamed of their reunion! How they had waited for it!</p><p>Dizzy from the whirlwind of relief, of impatience, of love and desire raging within her, Michaela momentarily forgot where they were. Since their return from their honeymoon, they had on a few occasions ventured out of their bedroom, and even out of their home, but never before had they dared using one of the recovery beds to make love. Both might have secretly fantasized about it, but the entire place was too exposed to the public eye, with patients, children and friends coming and going as they please. Yet, right at this moment, it was so quiet they felt quite alone in the world, and the bed felt so inviting, the temptation offered by the clean and sweet-smelling linen too strong to be ignored.</p><p>As much as she had dreamed of a tender, long-savored reunion, as much as he had planned to get rid of his month-old beard and the sweat and filth from his journey, their bodies had other ideas and were clearly demanding immediate satisfaction, no buts, no delays. There had been way too many lonely days, night and miles between them, too many missed loving words, touches and gestures… too many kisses that should have been given and were now claiming their due, aggressive from having been denied for so long. Kisses that said "I missed you so much" more eloquently than any word. And it was the haste with which they united, without even taking care of disrobing completely, that said "I want you, I <em>need</em> you, <em>right here, right now</em>"…</p><p>With each of her husband's powerful thrusts, Michaela let out a low, stifled moan and held him all the tighter. Sully could hear a declaration of love in each of the soft, needful whimpers she was emitting, he could feel her devotion in the slightest pressure, the lightest caress of her hands across his shoulders or along his spine. He felt her passion in the way she sought the sensitive hollow in his lower back, where she knew how to touch him to fuel his desire further, and to let him know without words that he could, too, abandon himself in her arms, that she was right here with him… <em>coming along</em>… In turn he let her know of his absolute adoration as he plied her neck with long, ardent kisses; his hands slipped under her petticoats and sensually glided their way up her fine wool-clad calves to explore the soft, milky flesh of her thighs. She was so incredibly sensitive and responsive to his touch that it only took a feather-soft brush of his fingertips there to hurl her into the golden depths of bliss. Their lips met again in a glorious kiss, their breath mingling and vibrating in one single echo of absolute pleasure.</p><p>Once their most urgent and primeval need to reunite was assuaged, they appeased another kind of hunger, less imperious but just as essential. Still wrapped in each other's arms, they luxuriated in sighs of contentment, in whispered avowals and endless caresses and kisses.</p><p>Yet reality eventually sneaked its way back into their loving cocoon: horses neighing, wagons lurching, the saloon customers guffawing, passers-by chatting on their way home or to Grace's for supper… and the fact they were laying in one of the beds of her… Michaela suddenly reddened. It wasn't too hard to guess what caused her to blush, and Sully couldn't help but tease her a bit.</p><p>"What now? Why the red face?" he murmured, touching lightly his wife's flushed cheek.</p><p>"…No-Nothing… It's silly… Besides, it's too late, it's done, now…"</p><p>"What is? Tell me."</p><p>Michaela turned a darker shade of red, and lowered her eyes.</p><p>"Well, we shouldn't – I mean, we'd better have waited till we were home to…"</p><p>"Why's that?" wondered Sully, feigning innocence.</p><p>"Sully!... for goodness' sake, patients sleep in this bed!" Michaela exclaimed. Then she caught sight of the laughing spark in her husband's eyes. She knew all too well this look he would give her whenever she reverted into her prim and proper old self, teasing yet soft with love.</p><p>"Mmmh, so what?"</p><p>To chastise him for teasing her so, she found the spot where he was the most ticklish and gave it the lightest pinch. He squirmed a second by reflex, yet it didn't stop his amusement from growing, nor his grin from widening.</p><p>"So it's inappropriate," she elaborated in a whisper. However, though she'd never dare admit it out loud, the idea of doing something she had always considered innately forbidden was terribly thrilling, and she couldn't help another wave of excitement and curiosity washing over her as she imagined renewing the experience sometime.</p><p>"How it is more so than makin' love in the hotel bed durin' our honeymoon, huh?</p><p><em>Oh! How he was enjoying provoking her and pushing her limits! </em>At that point, Michaela hardly held any secrets or inhibitions toward her husband regarding their conjugal relations. If she ever expressed any kind of reserve to Sully's suggestions, she only did so as part of the game, to play hard to get and prolong the seduction. It hadn't taken long for her to notice how much Sully enjoyed when she used her wiles on him, and in a few months, she had learned how to subtly exude coquettishness.</p><p>Nevertheless, she felt compelled to answer: "Because I work here… and the last thing I want is having the next patient who will occupy this room see me get all red in the face when I'll remember what happened here, and perhaps guess why…'</p><p>"That's too bad," said Sully with a suggestive raise of eyebrow.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Woulda loved to… hm… try out the other beds… your examinin' table, maybe… your desk, too," he enunciated, his voice husky with reawakened desire. He pressed himself even closer, moving sensually over her.</p><p>During their intimate conversation, they had remained linked together, the way they sometimes enjoyed to prolong their union as much as possible and even give their mutual desire a chance to rouse again and make love anew… Already astir with the realization that they had broken another taboo together as well as the licentious imaginations triggered by her husband's newly confessed fantasies, Michaela simply couldn't resist Sully's obvious intentions. She blushed all the more, out of habit, and as he leaned closer to kiss her, she gave his lip a light nip before she reproached him amidst sighs of pleasure:</p><p>"Naughty…"</p><p>Again, they forgot all about the time, place and the rest of the world, and submitted totally to the irresistible tide of desire. The frenzied impatience of their first encounter gave way to the attentive and thorough quest for the absolute harmony that would truly sealed their reunion. Together, they savored the delights of those prolonged amorous jousts they were becoming familiar with the more they made love and learned the ways of one another. And when the slow but steady and powerful rise of ecstasy reached its paroxysm, their bodies and souls merged in the bedazzling light of their eternal love and devotion.</p><p>So absorbed by each other as they were while they slowly regained their senses, they neither paid attention to the knock on the Clinic's door, nor to the sound of the door being opened…</p><hr/><p>That night, Matthew went to have dinner with his family, but when he arrived at the new homestead, he only found his sister and younger brother there, as Dr Mike was nowhere to be seen. None of them was remotely concerned by her absence. Convinced that she was being delayed at the clinic by an emergency, they had dinner without waiting for their mother. However, to put his mind at rest, Matthew decided to ride into town to see if Dr. Mike intended to spend the night at the clinic and if she wished for him to sleep at the homestead to keep an eye on Colleen and Brian.</p><p>He was rather surprised to find that the clinic so quiet, seemingly deserted, yet with the surgery lamp still on. Had Dr Mike left in a hurry to attend to one of her patients? Nevertheless, he knocked on the door and, not hearing anything, he turned the knob, expecting to find the door locked. But no, it opened! A little alarmed, Matthew stepped inside, missing the bags sitting in the corner. He opened the door to the hallway and called out:</p><p>"Dr. Mike? Dr. Mike! Hello, anybody here?"</p><p>He heard the springs of the downstairs recovery bed creaking, then Dr. Mike's voice, unusually high-pitched, could be heard.</p><p>"Coming, Matthew!"</p><p>Reassured and innocently assuming that his mother was tending to a patient, he returned to the examination room and turned up the light in the lamp. And then he saw… <em>them</em>. In the corner next to the entrance door stood the buckskin pouches which could belong to only one man. Immediately he understood the situation and was absolutely mortified at the thought that he had most definitely interrupted Dr. Mike and Sully. <em>Once again</em>. The door to the room they were in had been left ajar, if he had stepped closer or had entered directly through the door of the hallway, he might have witnessed them <em>doing</em>... He shuddered and shook his head to chase the inappropriate images from his mind.</p><p>Meanwhile the two lovers were hurriedly readjusting their clothes. Michaela pined up her bun haphazardly, her mind spinning with trying to come up wise an acceptable excuse explaining their presence in the clinic so late in the evening, rather than heading straight home the minute Sully had arrived. A quick glance at her husband, who smiled sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders, told her it would be no use to lie. After all, she had always made a point to teach her children the importance of telling the truth, unless it was a matter of life and death. But in the present case, she realized that inventing an excuse would not do, especially not for such a frivolous reason... Besides, Matthew was a grown man now, and it was not the first time that he walked in on them sharing an intimate moment, so whatever she might say to her son, he would see past a fib.</p><p>To spare his wife the embarrassment of having to provide an explanation, Sully went first to meet Matthew. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, he proffered his hand, saying he had wanted to surprise Michaela by coming home earlier. While chatting away, he threw a knowing look at his grown-up "son", who, with a mere nod, let him know he understood.</p><p>"If you want to stay here for the night to be... uhm... <em>alone</em>... I can return to the homestead, no problem," the young man quietly said.</p><p>"To be honest, Matthew, I am in a hurry to go home and be with Colleen and Brian and then... I have brought a few small presents for you all," Sully said, smiling broadly at Michaela who finally had joined them after trying to hide all evidence of non-medical activities which had just been going on in the recovery room. Matthew managed to dissimulate his embarrassment with a large grin, nonchalantly grabbing hold of Sully's bags, leaving the clinic, saying:</p><p>"Hurry up then! Colleen and Brian sure are gonna be happy!"</p><hr/><p>[1] I consider the action of the episode "Hell on Wheels" to logically take place before Sully's departure for Nevada, and even before "Dorothy's book"</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The family reunion was indeed a joyous one, as they exchanged anecdotes and presents, though Sully withheld those intended for his wife as he would rather give them to her in the privacy of their bedroom.</p><p>Matthew experienced a moment's hesitation before accepting his gold nugget, but one look at his friend and mentor sufficed to convince him that his pride was not challenged here. This small golden nugget held more of a symbolical value than a monetary one and he felt he should simply consider it in that way.</p><p>Apart from the gold, Sully had made small wooden figures for each of them, carved and sanded in the long hours of the evening spent with Daniel by the campfire. For Matthew, he had carved a horse, proudly reared up on his hind legs, a symbol of strength and courage, but also of impetuosity; for Colleen he had made an owl, for its wisdom, its maturity, but also for its protective character; finally, for Brian, he had produced a beaver, for his inventiveness, his zeal and determination. Matthew fondly shook his hand, while his two younger siblings hugged him tight. Sully was delightfully surprised, never had he imagined that returning home to his family would mean so much to him. In his eyes, nothing could compare to the happiness found with his family, the home he and Michaela had created for themselves and their adopted children.</p><p>After Colleen and Brian had eventually but half-heartedly agreed to go to bed– the next day was a school day – Michaela requested Matthew to bring in the copper bathtub as well as two buckets of water to be heated over the fire so that she could prepare a nice warm bath. Sully, assuming that this was for her, wanted to help them, but Michaela caught him off-guard and commanded with playful authority that he sat back down and let her take care of it. It was then that he understood her intention and even though fatigue threatened to overpower him, the mere idea of being so lovingly pampered by his wife was enough to rejuvenate him.</p><p>He went upstairs to fetch his shaving kit and, as he descended the stairs, he just had time to hear Matthew wish Michaela "good night", and see him scurrying out after a hasty, almost apologetic wave goodbye. Their oldest son was in such a hurry to leave them alone that it was almost comical, they couldn't help but laugh out loud as soon as their eyes met in a knowing glance.</p><p>The presence of two youngsters upstairs and the risk that either one might come down at any moment somewhat reined in Michaela's demonstrations of affection. This however did not hinder Sully from physically reacting when she took the sponge to tenderly lather his back and chest, neither of them being able to refrain from kissing each other deeply. This was all that was needed to rekindle the passion that always simmered just below the surface between them. Nevertheless, Michaela pulled back just in time to avoid giving in to the temptation of plying him with more provocative touches and joining him in the bathtub, though she could barely articulate her invitation to join her in their bedroom once he would be done with his ablutions.</p><p>In her hurry, she flew more than she ran up the stair and straight into the sanctuary that was their bedroom, her heart beating wildly. She felt oppressed by a strange nervousness she vaguely remembered from her not so long-ago days of being a blushing and inexperienced bride, as if she had been thrown back to that time when she was still discovering the physical side of love. Perhaps those feelings were merely born out of that old conflict between wanting to surprise and please Sully by being more audacious and enthusiastic than ever, and still being held back by an instinctive, deeply anchored modesty from which she suspected she might never fully free herself. So far, she had been able to relegate her prim and proper side to a far corner of her mind, at least when she was alone with her husband, but it was still there…</p><p>She applied a thick layer of beeswax salve to her lips, swollen and sensitive from the kisses they had already exchanged during their exploits at the Clinic. She then untied her hair, lightly brushing them, just in case Sully would like to do it for her. Yet, she could not fully ignore common sense's voice warning her that Sully had to be exhausted, and might be longing for nothing else than a night of deep, undisturbed sleep, but she paid it little mind. If Sully wanted to just sleep, <em>so be it</em>! she would still relish in snuggling up to his warm body, finally sleeping peacefully after four weeks of feeling empty and cold in her too large, empty and cold bed. Moreover, the next morning, her eyes would finally open to see his beloved face and not just some stupid pillow.</p><p>The blazing fire in the hearth had warmed up the room to a pleasant temperature and spread about that fresh, moist air of an autumn night; it was warm enough that she could have chosen to await Sully fully unclothed, however, she went for a slightly less provocative attire. She wished she could put on the gorgeous silk robe, adorned with delicate lace, that her mother had offered her at her bridal shower, but unfortunately, she had never gotten around to try and remove the stains it had suffered during that particularly risqué breakfast on their honeymoon.</p><p>She picked out a flimsy linen nightgown that had also been part of her bridal trousseau, but which she had never been bold enough to try on. It was as transparent as a silk veil, the innocence of its immaculate white color contrasting strikingly with its come-hither diaphaneity. <em>Hum, I don't think so</em>, she thought as she examined her reflection in the mirror, her cheeks pink with a mix of embarrassment and excitement at feeling like she was doing something forbidden.</p><p>She had no time to change her mind and nor her negligee for a more modest garment, because Sully entered the room. He was freshly shaven, clean from head to toe, wearing nothing else but a towel draped over his hips. Michaela needed all the willpower of her well-bred, ladylike self to resist yielding to the sudden surge of aggressive desire to throw herself at him, to drink in his fragrance, to feast upon his virile flesh... she almost licked her lips as her hunger for her man's magnificent body culminated to unprecedented heights.</p><p>Sully, on the other hand, stopped short at the breath-taking sight before him. Michaela was standing in front of the mirror, her hair flowing freely onto her shoulders. Her eyes grew larger, not so much with surprise, as with unmistakable lust as she literally devoured him with her panther-like eyes, the firelight turning the green amber of her irises to molten gold. The rosy hue on her cheeks was evidently not one of embarrassment, but of sheer passion. Her lips, parted in a half-smile, gleamed like a fleshy and juicy fruit, beckoning to be savored. And last but not least, what covered her was far from being modest. The shift she wore left virtually nothing to the imagination, her sweet curves accentuated by the vaporous fabric, and as an ultimate provocation, she had left the ribbons at the collar untied, the gaping neckline giving him a privileged view onto her cleavage.</p><p>"Who's naughty, now?" Sully teasingly admonished her, even though he was totally smitten. The way she was confessing her desire for him might be silent, and still edged with an innocence she had never completely lost, but it was still eloquent in its daring expression. She was once more casting a spell on him against which he was defenseless. Not that he had even the remotest wish to resist her…</p><p>Despite the urgent desire that consumed them, they needed more to re-establish the familiarity of their loving touches, caresses and kisses, to allow their bodies to resume their amorous dialogue and restate the tender sensuality of their intimacy, which they had been missing for these overlong four weeks. So instead of tearing the flimsy gown apart, he methodically lifted it off, deftly using its silky softness in slow and torturous caresses, the delicious friction of the fabric on both their skins intoxicating. She just had to pull at the towel and the next second they sank together, naked, skin to skin, on the rug in front of the fireplace.</p><p>As he embarked upon the renewed discovery of his beloved wife's body, Sully had the distinct impression that something had changed. Was it because he had only had his memories and imagination to face his loneliness that now he found her beauty more radiant than ever... and more voluptuous? Her flesh felt softer, smoother... Her hair did feel thicker and silkier than before... For a second, he wondered if Michaela was pregnant[2], but he instantly rejected the notion. If she was indeed expecting, she would have told him already, wouldn't she? Unless of course, it was still too soon for her to tell... After all, she was a doctor <em>and</em> a woman... Anyway, he wasn't about to inquire about it: he knew enough about the feminine nature not to risk uttering a remark about his wife's figure, even if it was a compliment and that he meant to reassure her that he actually preferred her with healthy curves. She would certainly take it the wrong way, and it might reawaken her old insecurities about not pleasing him. Therefore, he thought it wise to keep mum on this specific subject and doubled his amorous efforts instead, letting her know of his appreciation through his attentions.</p><p>With the same fire, Michaela returned each caress, each kiss, offering herself without shame nor reserve. Even though she was getting carried away by all the gratifying sensations he was eliciting from her and was close to fully abandon herself to the flow of pleasure, she still perceived that he was somehow holding back. Of course, she had always admired and appreciated the extraordinary self-control that Sully had demonstrated on many occasions, but in these moments of intense passion during which he had taught her to let go, she particularly reveled in the instances when he too allowed himself to surrender to his emotions and sensations, when his tender attentiveness turned into wild sensuality, when his gentleness became triumphant virile power. With the benefit of hindsight, she was especially amused by the fact that what she had been most frightened of before their honeymoon, when thinking of her marital duties, had become one of the aspects of intercourse that she had come to enjoy the most: this complete abandon of themselves and the absolute trust they had in each other when their mutual desire, like ocean waves in a violent storm, threw them into each other's arms. Undeniably she had needed time to adjust, but with each passing day, moreover each passing night, she had learned to overcome her unease regarding these bouts of irrepressible passion between them.</p><p>She had also learned how to let him know when he no longer needed to restrain himself , that she was ready, by a touch or a deep look into his eyes. But tonight, she wanted to tell him, she wanted to say the words aloud... But what could she say without sounding too crude, too vulgar, or that would seem silly or nonsensical to him?</p><p>"Sully... Sully?" She panted.</p><p>Through those mysterious channels through which only they could communicate, enabling them to understand each other without a single word being spoken, even feeling the other's emotions over great distances, Sully guessed his wife's intentions. Though she was able to express her enjoyment with sensuous sighs and moans, and she could even indicate her needs by guiding his hands or his mouth, by controlling the pressure, the rhythm, she still hardly ever dared to say anything of a sexual nature in plain English. And Sully wanted nothing more at that moment than to encourage her to formulate her wants more openly.</p><p>"Tell me."</p><p>-...</p><p>"Tell me, 'Chaela."</p><p>"I..."</p><p>"Yes?"</p><p>"Sully, please," she sighed, almost convulsively tightening her embrace. He knew what her plea meant, but did not want to let her off so easily. His movements become faster and deeper, eliciting a long, guttural moan from Michaela, while a violent shudder shook her body.</p><p>"Do you like it like this?"</p><p>She vigorously nodded her head, her eyes glazed over in pleasure.</p><p>"So tell me," Sully demanded.</p><p>Lost, out of breath, she could hardly utter:</p><p>"It is... let yourself... go... it's all right!"</p><p>Sully did not need more to lose all control of himself and their encounter ended in a supranatural, blinding climax, pleasure hitting them simultaneously, leaving them panting, exhausted and finally sated. The rug, as thick and plush as it was, was not soft enough to sleep comfortably, so the two lovers, drawing on the last shreds of their strength, moved over to the bed and gratefully slipped under the covers. Once there, they let themselves be invaded by a sweet, irresistible lethargy. But neither of them could submit to the pull of sleep just yet, their proximity still needing to be reaffirmed, both in almost desperate need to be assured that their soulmate was right there. Still their entwined fingers, their joined lips continued their dance of love. Sully had come home, but in a certain way, Michaela felt as if she had come home herself after a long, lonely trip. She had regained her place, just as much as he had taken back his.</p><p>They snuggled together, just to enjoy their mutual warmth, relishing the sweet sound of their breathing and the peaceful beating of their hearts.</p><p>"How come you ain't sleepin'?"</p><p>"Mmm, I'm too afraid to wake up and find that you have not come home, that it was just a dream," Michaela answered. "And you, why aren't you asleep? You must be exhausted."</p><p>"For the same reason as ya, I reckon..."</p><p>"Would you like a massage? It could help you relax…"</p><p>"Nah, dontcha worry. I just wanna hold ya is all," he assured, tenderly caressing her shoulder.</p><p>Overwhelmed by the words and affection of her husband, Michaela snuggled even closer against his chest and inhaled deeply, drinking in his healthy male scent. At that moment in time, she did not need anything else than to know he was there, protecting and cuddling her...</p><p>"Mmmh, where are you going?" Michaela groaned sleepily, stirring from the light doze into which she had unwittingly fallen, and failing to hold Sully back when he suddenly got out of bed.</p><p>"Be right back."</p><p>As a matter of fact, not more than one minute later, he had indeed returned. He could not hide his joy when Michaela possessively drew him to her and nestled up again into him, like a child. She half opened her eyes and immediately answered his pleased grin with one of her own. How had he missed this mischievous and smug expression!</p><p>"You're looking very pleased with yourself... again," she remarked, with a playful wrinkle of her eyebrows.</p><p>"Well, isn't it a good sign when my wife throws herself at me?"</p><p>"Mmm, I suppose it is... What are you hiding behind your back? Don't tell me you went downstairs to get the jar of honey?"</p><p>"Nah, but thanks for the idea... You suddenly make me want something sweet..." With these words, he leant over to her and took her lips for a lusciously slow kiss that made her feel dizzy with amorous languidness.</p><p>"So," she asked, after getting back her breath, "what are you hiding from me?"</p><p>He held out his open palm to her, presenting her with the olivine. The fire cast its warm light upon the gemstone which took on a beautiful gold-green transparency, like feline eyes... so reminiscent of the nuance Michaela's eyes when they reflected the sunlight shining through the canopy of trees when they were out in the woods.</p><p>"Oh Sully! This is wonderful!" she murmured emotionally.</p><p>"One of the mine's galleries was full of them..."</p><p>"Peridot, isn't it?"</p><p>"You know 'bout them?"</p><p>"A little. You remember my sister Maureen? She was born in August, so peridot is her birthstone. She has quite a collection of them... It's so beautiful, I love it, Sully! Thank you so much!"</p><p>"It's pretty indeed. Truth is, I picked out this one 'cause... it's kinda the same green as your eyes..."</p><p>She kissed him before he had time to add more. He was still a little self-conscious about offering her a mere stone, as nice looking as it might be, moreover still in its raw state. But she didn't seem adversely affected by the crudeness of his present. She flung her arms around his neck and passionately claimed his lips, hungry again for his taste, for his breath, for the warm stroke of his tongue upon hers… Sully could only submit to such an enthusiastic proof of her gtatitude.</p><p>When she finally deemed having sufficiently thanked him, he told her:</p><p>"I should've got it cut and set, but I just couldn't wait no longer to get home to ya…"</p><p>"Oh, Sully… it's perfectly fine like this, I don't mind, really. What I care for is the love it symbolizes, not how decorative it might be."</p><p>Her statement only served to remind him of her generous and authentic nature, and he silently reproached himself for underestimate it.</p><p>"Speakin' of symbols…," he announced, reaching behind to seize the small wooden figurine on the bed stand, "here ya go…"</p><p>He had skillfully carved two hawks, their spread wings touching, in a breathtaking likeness of the majestic and harmonious flight they had witnessed together a few times. Once, Sully had revealed that hawks were highly faithful creatures and as such would mate for life. To the Cheyenne, they were also significant – they didn't always herald misfortune, for they also represented protective strength and foresight.</p><p>With her understanding of the portent of the sculpture, Michaela felt her heart swell close to bursting with gratefulness for her husband – her mate for life. They kissed, then kissed some more, to make up for all the kisses they had missed for that interminable month of separation. Yet, both were exhausted by four weeks of forced continence and their consequent passionate reunion, so they soon succumbed to the fatigue that swooped down on them, and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep, dreaming only of their loving reunion going on forever.</p><hr/><p>The next morning, Sully woke up in a seemingly empty homestead, considering the lateness of the hour and the silence all around. No sound of Colleen and Brian galloping up and down the stairs, getting ready for school. They had probably prepared for the day quietly, not wanting to disturb him as he recuperated from the rigors of the trip and the intense work at the mine… And Michaela must have driven them to school and was certainly at the Clinic. He must have been in a deep sleep, for he hadn't heard the wagon…</p><p>The bedroom's door opened slowly, and Michaela slipped inside, still in her bathrobe. When she saw that he was awake, she smiled lovingly, and before he could say or do anything, she reclined beside him and kissed him with such ardor that he forgot anything that wasn't <em>her</em>. This was the kind of kiss that had the power to distill a soft, subtle intoxication through the sole touch of their lips, anytime, anywhere they feel the need; whether they were stealing a few seconds from the hustle and bustle of their everyday life, or for hours to no end when they seemed to only live for and by the other's breath. Perhaps more than the joining of their bodies, this was their most intimate way of communicating their love to each other.</p><p>As Michaela broke it off to remove her robe, Sully asked:</p><p>"No clinic today?"</p><p>A gleam of longing lit up the green gold of his wife's eyes as she resumed her position alongside him.</p><p>"It depends," she murmured in that sensual contralto she had learned to make a wicked use of.</p><p>"Of what?"</p><p>"Of how long it takes for you to pay off your debt…"</p><p>Sully had a hard time keeping a straight face when he understood what she was referring to. Yet, his sense of humor prompted him to continue the witty exchange.</p><p>"So, how much do I owe ya, Ma'am?"</p><p>Mimicking the air of a scientist lost in a complex equation, Michaela rolled her eyes exaggeratedly before announcing in a sententious tone:</p><p>"According to your written statement, and taking into account a five per cent interest rate cumulative per day of absence, in retribution of the moral prejudice I suffered because of your absence, Mr. Sully, I hereby sentence you to a penalty of one hundred and nine thousand nine hundred and twenty-three kisses. And no suspension!"</p><p>They burst into laughter at the same time. Sully delighted at Michaela's rare display of her sense of humor. That one memory he would save and cherish like a treasure more precious than all the gold nuggets and gems he could have brought back from the mine… Just as he would find and keep the small note where she had written down her calculations with endearing precision, so she could take him at his word upon his return. For the time being, however, it was all he could do school his features back into mock seriousness to answer:</p><p>"Would you mind terribly if I stretched out the payments...?"</p><p>"Mmmhh… considering your reputation of producing top-rated work, I suppose I can afford to be lenient regarding the delivery schedule…" She couldn't remain serious a second longer, overcome by another fit of giggles. The kind of elation she was experiencing at being back in her beloved husband's arms made her feel as light as if she had grown wings and could fly to the heavens, singing out her joy. Presently lost in the paradisiac blue of his eyes, she thought she could never tire of contemplating his handsome features. He used to be so tormented and brooding when she had met him that it doubled her happiness to see him serene for the time being, and looking at her with so much passion, that was only matched by his tenderness and devotion to her.</p><p>Words were failing her to fully express how much she loved him, but if there was one thing Sully had taught her, it was that True Love had its own language. Therefore, she decided to begin claiming her dues without further ado.</p><p>The contact of his tanned, warm skin seemed beyond electrifying as she ran her hands down his back and writhed sensually under him. They literally talked in the flesh, through shivers, and responding with caresses so familiar as to have become instinctive, knowing their goals by heart… Their hearts beat the same rhythm; they breathed and moved together in perfect unison, their lips parting only to meet again in a deeper, more enthusiastic kiss, as they sought the absolute fusion, beyond all carnal pleasure.</p><p>Because the only thing that truly mattered was to be reunited at last with their other half. <em>To be one</em> <em>again</em>.</p><p>
  <strong>THE END</strong>
</p><hr/><p>[2] Indeed Michaela is pregnant. If one considers she gives birth to Katie on May 18th, 1871, two weeks early it means their daughter was conceived around September 8th. My guess is that Sully must have left for Nevada early enough to be back before Halloween, right after the events of "Dorothy's Book" during which Michaela starts experiencing the first signs she's pregnant, but dismisses them as her being upset over the book.</p>
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